I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize