All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
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