I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize