I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Every concussion has its silver lining
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
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