i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Randomize
