Sry I called you an 8
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
