My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
