And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Randomize
