U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
