woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
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