whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
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