If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
