You can't motorboat a personality
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
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