O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Randomize