I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Randomize
