The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
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