I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
