I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize