you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Randomize
