Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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