Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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