hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
how can u be prego again
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Randomize
