Pants 0. Shit 1.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Randomize
