new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
