In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
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