I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Randomize
