Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
