Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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