Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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