in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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