Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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