So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Randomize
