Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
tell me about the fingering
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
