then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
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