yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
I just gift wrapped bread.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Randomize
