I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Randomize
