Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
