I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
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