Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Randomize
