Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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