Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
Randomize
