This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
you win again, gameday.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
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