Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
