i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
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