Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
