I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Randomize
