He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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