We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Randomize
