I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
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