For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Randomize
