That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
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