is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
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