so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
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