I feel great
I just peed on a car
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
In America we eat man semen.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
