Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
