When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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