The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Randomize
