i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
