yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
