the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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