Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
