I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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