she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Randomize
