My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
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