This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize
