I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
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