non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
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