Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
