I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
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