I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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