i think my mom watched the whole time
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
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