At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
My penis needs a shock collar
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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